A Personal Perspective on Loneliness From A Single Child

Dear Zinnias,

You might be wondering the identity of this person who is writing to so-called “Zinnias” and most importantly what does Zinnia mean? Is it some kind of place or food or an imperial good? And most importantly how does this word connect with the above topic? Well, what if I say that Zinnia is the name of a flower. Sounds strange right? Let me explain.

So, as I have said, Zinnias is the name of a flower and it is not just any flower but a flower that has a valuable story to take lessons from. This flower grows on drought resistance, heat tolerant and basically thrive in the poorest of poor environments but despite numerous challenges it is a symbol of endurance and shows us the ability of growing up in a tough environment. So, this is the reason why I mentioned my readers as Zinnias. Now, you all have understood the meaning of Zinnias but how does its name relate to the topic that we will be talking about? Well, it is and let me tell you that you will be shocked to know how these two terms relate with the word.

So, before I move to talk about this topic let me introduce myself. I am Aimee and this is my first blog post ever. I have been thinking and re-thinking about starting a blog. The reason would be obvious since I have never done anything like this and putting your story out on the internet is a challenging process. But since I am an only child it is quite hard for me to share my emotions to anyone and this is true for every only child that they can be way too independent sometimes that they don’t feel the need to share or vent out their problems to someone else. So, in today’s topic I will be telling you about the insight journey of a very interesting topic that is Loneliness and Independence. To all my zinnias this will not be a research based or a full thesis type of conversation, it will be about a true journey of a single child named Aimee.

Growing up as a single child everyone around me deemed me as a lucky person. Of course who wants to share a full bowl of ramen, who wants the best part of ice cream or who wants to share their lovely toys? A quiet home, a personal space and parents who give you proper attention. I will say that this is true and I am very grateful to have experienced all these things but it is said that, “every coin has two sides”. One thing that has affected me the most is Loneliness. Therefore, this blog is about my experience and the reality that most only children face and how it follows them to adulthood.

My Story of Solitude~
I have 2 cousins, one sister and one brother. My cousin sister is older than my brother by 6-7 years. Whenever I go to their home I can see the beautiful bond they have and by Almighty’s grace I wish that this bond may go forever. They would act as cover ups, to crime partners, supporting each other, or being able to convince their parents. They would stay up all night watching movies, dissing about a random relative or stealing chocolates from storerooms. They are basically a part of each other and are comfortable in sharing their problems. When I go and visit them I would be a part of their team but no matter how close you are they would prefer their blood. They would tell me how many games they played on their PS5 or how they didn’t sleep the whole night by watching movies. I never had the companionship of doing mischief together and I didn't know what it was like to stay up all night and watch horror movies and games. Whenever things get serious or family issues come up they would turn that dreadful moment to a laughter fit. It was actually really satisfying to see how they heal from various problems and support each other. I would feel very happy around them but when it is time to leave them and go to my place my heart would cry. Once, I tried to avoid all these happy moments with my cousins mainly because when it was time to leave I would be feeling more lonely and sad. But I gradually overpowered it and now I don’t think in that way. I used to busy myself with reading novels, writing and improving my English. These skills have made me upgrade myself and helped me to look outside the case of loneliness.

In the age of adolescence, this phrase was too bad. Looking back at it, I just thank the universe for giving me strength and hope to survive my 13-17 years. Those were the times I was bullied heavily. My “best friend” abandoned me in front of their new popular friends. It hurt me so bad that I desperately looked for friends just because I didn’t want to feel lonely in school itself. I didn’t care about the company whether it is good or bad, I just didn’t want to feel alone even in my school. I kept thinking that I was already alone in home, then why should I be alone in school too? Gradually things went better, I met my new best friend during tenth grade and till now we are going strong.
I wanted someone of my age during that period so that I can vent out my problems but alas! I was very hasty with my decision. I desperately looked for people and somewhere I did get into bad company. But before they tried to ruin me, I eventually left.

How I blended into the Solitude~
So, to cope up with the journey I relied too much, when I say too much it means excessive. I relied on novels way too much. It was my only way to cope up with the war that was going inside my head. I started writing journals and I was surprised that I wrote 4 years of my life in the diary which itself looks as if it has been coping up with my rage. But I have to say one thing, this loneliness has made me discover my true potential and qualities. Although, this whole discovery doesn’t happen overnight! But I came to realize what I am. My interests, goals and ambitions all came to make sense when I sat down alone. I realized I could better create my roadmap. I became my own supporter and most importantly my own critic. I was able to analyze what is wrong and what is right. I believe that this is true for all children who are raised as a single child that they discovered their self-reliance skill from a very young age. I had the freedom of choosing what I wanted compared to my cousins whose decisions are made by their elder sibling. This is true in my cousin’s case. My elder sister didn’t let her brother pursue Law degree just because there will be no variety of professions in their house. She convinced him to pursue a business degree despite him holding a computer science degree. This whole scenario might not be true everywhere but somewhere these decisions can be taken by others.

Author Note~
By sharing this journey, I truly want to connect with people who are born and brought up alone and also it goes out to all people who wondered “how is it like to be an only child”. I hope that my experience has brought comfort, reassurance and even a small sense of familiarity to those who wondered if there is anyone who felt the same or not. I firmly believe that Loneliness is something we all feel even if we are alone or in a group of people. It’s about how we manage to adapt to the scenario. Do let me know your experiences and let us together navigate the journey of life.
Thank you for your time Zinnias,
Yours Aimee.